Sometimes, Brené Brown starts meetings by asking attendees a simple question: How are you feeling, in two words?
The more common, open-ended version of the icebreaker — “How’s everyone feeling?” — often elicits uninspiring answers, the bestselling author and leadership researcher told organizational psychologist Adam Grant and leadership expert Simon Sinek earlier this month on Sinek’s podcast, “A Bit of Optimism.”
The two-word version prompts honest answers and encourages people to see each other as humans first, co-workers second, said Brown. Common answers include “anxious” and “tired,” or someone describing their mentality as “vacation brain,” she added.
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“Those check-ins in the beginning are kind of grace generators,” Brown said.
If someone says they’re anxious and overwhelmed during a meeting, for example, Brown said she’ll thank them for sharing before moving on to the next person. Then, after the meeting, she’ll inquire about how the person is doing.
Her favorite follow-up question, she said: “What does support from me look like today?”
You can’t get away with ‘fine’
The two-word exercise can capture feelings that might otherwise require a lengthier explanation, said Brown. In one recent case, an organization’s co-CEO — technically exceeding the word limit — stated “duct tape” and “glitter” in a meeting.
Brown understood what that meant, she said: “We’re holding it together, but barely.”
It’s an effective strategy, Sinek added. The check-in helps people tell each other whether they’re feeling sharp or off their game that day, especially when the meeting’s leader sets a good example by sharing their own honest two-word assessment.
“You can’t get away with ‘fine,'” said Sinek.
Brown’s two-word exercise is reminiscent of a phrase that Juliette Han, a neuroscientist and adjunct assistant professor at Columbia Business School, says people with high emotional intelligence use in the workplace: “Let me know how you feel about it.”
Uttering that eight-word phrase can offer the other person a chance to share their thoughts — to whatever extent they feel comfortable, Han told CNBC Make It last month.
“[Emotionally intelligent people] appreciate the person’s right to recognize their emotions on their own terms and give them space to do so,” Han said. “At the same time, they offer their support and show they’re ready to listen to those thoughts and feelings whenever the other person is ready to share.”
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